i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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