someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize