And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
