My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
