im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
