the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
