Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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