The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ttyl tear gas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think your dad took our porno
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
