I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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