so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
