Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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