my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
