well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
