Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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