If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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