only if we run a train.
done.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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