just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
