that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
