My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
