Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Someone shit on the floor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
