I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
