So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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