Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
