I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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