RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
