halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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