please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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