Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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