I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
