yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
