you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
