Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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