Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
