Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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