great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
