you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
