She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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