i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
