Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
