He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
