Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
