you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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