I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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