So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
