your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
