So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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