Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
