That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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