you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
