sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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