What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
