i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
