im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
