I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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