dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
