Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
