I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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