Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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