are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
