i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
