He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
