2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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