I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
